Suicide & Cutting

Yes, I cut myself.
I cut to make the emotional pain fade for awhile.
I cut to see myself bleed.
But all my cuts are superficial.
I know where the large veins and arteries are. I do not intend to cut them.
I use alcohol wipes before cutting.
I use antiseptic/antibacterial/antimicrobial wash after.
in the words of the psych who saw me at the hospital:
I cut "intelligently." and I'm not a "danger" to my life.

Yes, I've thought about my own death.
Yes, I've thought about being the cause of my own death.
Yes, sometimes, I'd like to be dead.
Yes, I know how I'd kill myself if I were ever to want to do it.

...however....

No, I would never kill myself.
as much as I want to sometimes.
I wouldn't do it, I couldn't do it.
being the only surviving of 3 children,
I could not do that to my family...or my friends
I know how it feels to lose a friend or family member to suicide,
I could not put the ones I love through that pain.